Year after year we think we’ll get fit, watch what we eat, cut down our drinking. Year after year old habits quickly return. Why is it so hard to make a more long-lasting change?
Habitual failure
In part we fail year on year because we know that year after year we fail! Resolutions are hard enough to keep, but in many cases we’ve actually habituated ourselves to the idea that our resolutions won’t work. A New Year resolution is almost synonymous with a planned change which will fail. It’s as if when we say “this is my New Year resolution” we’re actually saying “this is my doubtless short-lived attempt to deceive myself.”
The first step toward overcoming this usually sub-conscious thought is to bring it to the surface. Recognise it. Re-read the above. If you secretly think that resolutions will inevitably fail, then you need to break apart the two concepts: resolutions and failure are not intrinsically linked. People do decide to change things and sometimes it works.
What you really, really want
Do you actually think you should lose weight? Or is it just to please other people?
The hardest resolutions to keep are the ones that you’re not really into. If you’re making a resolution to satisfy other people’s ideas about you, or because you are only asking negative questions (“What should I stop doing?”) rather than positive questions (“What do I want to achieve?”) then your heart may not really be in it and it will be much harder to focus and keep to your resolution.
Be realistic
There’s nothing wrong with aiming high. But if your New Year resolution requires you to make too big a change all at once then it may be unachievable.
Ask yourself: does your resolution fit with your lifestyle and friends? Can you really imagine completely cutting out the doughnuts, or would it be better to stick to just one a week?
Making some concessions to realism is not a failure. If you set your targets at an impossible distance then you can fail before you even begin.
When you think about the what, don’t neglect the how
A common mistake with New Year resolutions is to make a snap decision about what you want to do, without deeper thought about how you’re going to do it. Even a realistic goal can be scuppered if you have no plan, no targets, no reminders to get from A to B.
Don’t beat yourself up
A lot of resolutions involve hard work, or at least depriving yourself of something that you like to do. But not everything you love is bad for you. Reward yourself for your hard work with something else that you love.
If you think of your resolutions only as something that deprive you then you’ll grow to hate them. Associate keeping your resolutions with a greater reward. You could ask a friend to keep a book you want to read, or a nice bottle of wine you want to drink, or give them some money to get you something, and tell your friend to give it to you only when your goal is achieved.
